Propensity for Intensity

People in a close relationship start off with a very intense desire for the

company of the other person. This early intensity is also referred to as

infatuation, obsession and sometimes lust. The couple tries to arrange as

much private time together as possible. This stage is intense because of

the high levels of excitement and arousal felt for each other and the

relationship.

This early level of high intensity should not be expected to sustain on a

long term basis. It is similar to a 440-yard dash at a track event. The

runners train hard in advance of the event and run as fast as their bodies

can tolerate unlike longer foot races such as a 10K run or a marathon. If

these long distance runners tried to maintain the same high performance

levels the sprinters did, there would most likely be a lot of injuries and

possible collapse due to overexertion.

Some people move past the intensity period without realizing how things

would settle down to a more comfortable and manageable level. People

with a propensity for intensity feel hurt, rejected and disappointed by the

fading intensity and assume something is wrong in the relationship. Many

people make the mistake of assuming the loss of intensity and its

replacement by a deeper feeling, but perhaps not as exciting, signifies

decline in the relationship. They either try to restore the original intensity in

the relationship or feel the need to seek it out in a new one. This behavior

can inhibit the ability to establish and maintain long term relationships over

time.

People who seek out these intense relationships are sometimes referred to

as intensity junkies. Their condition has many characteristics similar to

adrenalin junkies and addictive personalities.

Adrenanlin junkies seek out activities to keep them on a high, just as

addictive personalities lock themselves into the same repeated patterns. If

adrenalin junkies and addictive personalities fail to get the intense

experience they seek, they develop the same feelings of hurt,

disappointment and failure that intensity junkies feel after the intensity

fades and often seek situations or substances to produce that high.