A Page From My Journal

And so it begins, ….

Not sure of what I will end up writing but I want to start with the signs.

I always believed in God, but, after the physical death of my son Eric, I questioned everything!

I needed answers, wanted glimpses – no more blind faith – I was asking for something in return.

Do we go on?

Does God hear me?

Is there an afterlife?

The grief was painfully intense. I cried countless tears. I begged and pleaded. I relived the moments like Groundhog’s Day.

The love I have for my children is so big and this couldn’t possibly be all there is.

I suppose the signs were there, but my grief was so intense it was blocking me from seeing them. They kept coming to me from others,

but I wanted them for myself, I wanted them to be un-mistakable and I wanted more!

Even on the day of Eric’s physical passing, my oldest daughter was on a camping trip with her children and a butterfly was following

them everywhere. The kids surmised that a boy must have died because the butterfly was blue. Did they sense something? It was so

insistent that they took pictures of it before they had any idea that Eric had passed. It even perched on my daughter’s hands and stayed

there. The picture depicted here is the exact picture of the butterfly perched in my daughter’s hands.

Another day, my 2-year old niece was ‘reading’ her book and ripped out a piece of the book. It dropped to the floor and, lo and behold,

the only thing on that tiny piece of paper from the book was the name ‘Eric’. She was Eric’s goddaughter.

When Eric passed, my mother stayed with me for weeks. When I was sleeping, she saw Eric come over and kiss my forehead while I

slept.

My cousin had a psychic reading around that time and was given messages for me in that reading.

My friends were receiving messages for me.

My sister, Krissy, a natural medium, had, and continues to have visitations from Eric.

I’ve had a few visitations of my own, one where Eric and I were swimming together in the streets in the neighborhood I grew up in and

one where Eric was laying on my bed watching tv.

As I record these signs, I realize that they happened, but I kept wanting more solid proof.

At some point, I just let go of the expectations and was left only with hope.

The song “Sunglasses at Night” by Corey Hart reminds me of Eric. It came out in the 80’s. Around the time of his passing, that song

came on the radio every single day.

The day of his service, I was on the way to the funeral home and “Bittersweet Symphony” by the Verve came on as soon as I got into my

car, which was one of the 3 songs I chose for his service. I acknowledged it at the time but still, it wasn’t truly clicking and, even though I

know that there are no coincidences, I needed to re-learn that.

Anyway, back to “Sunglasses at Night”, I was crying hysterically and asking for a sign from Eric when the song started playing on the

radio. I called out and asked Eric if it was really him and the words “see the love that’s right before my eyes” was playing. I glanced at

my crumpled tissue and I actually had 2 hearts imprinted where my eyes cried through the tissue! I took a picture and sent it to a few

people because even I was shocked.

Eric and I have always connected through music and, when I listen to music, it bring me in tune with him even more.

I remember the long drives we took fairly often. It was an escape for both of us and relaxed, quality time that we enjoyed on the regular.

“Shape of My Heart” by Sting and “You Are Not Alone” by Michael Jackson, the other two songs that played at his service, as well as

“Every Me and Every You” by Placebo, “What’s Up” by 4 Non Blondes, “ The Shallows” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper and so many

more scream Eric.

I admit I have been greedy. I would start to question the signs and ask for more just to be sure.

I started to take pictures of the things that came up and now I am writing them down for my own records, sanity and, in the event they

may someday help another.

My sister bought our nephew a construction play set and it said ‘Eric’s’ on it. (that was by the manufacturer – not us).

I was awaiting a grocery delivery and received a text to check the location of the delivery and, when I opened the message, it said driver

“Eric”.

Recently, my niece saw Eric in her bedroom. They were extremely close. She was with me every day for weeks when he passed. I

wouldn’t be surprised if she developed mediumship abilities in the future. It seems to run in our family.

Another time I woke up missing him because I hadn’t noticed any recent signs and I asked again. My phone announces callers out loud

and, while I was in the bathroom, I heard ‘call from ERIC’. I looked at the caller ID and Eric’s initials, ERC appeared.

One night I felt such despair, I reached out to God Himself. I always felt connected to Mother Mary and the angels, but God Himself felt

like the man in the sky, too great and unreachable for lowly me.

I prayed hard that night for a peak into the afterlife, a glimpse that we live on, a sign that GOD hears me.

Around 3 or 4 a.m., I felt a nudge. Was someone calling my name? It’s weird because I was sleeping with Soundscapes on the tv at night

for the soft light and calming music. When I opened my eyes, the screen displayed a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson and, at the

bottom of the screen in quotes “Voice of God”!

I, of course, took a picture because I can’t make this stuff up. I didn’t need to hear the song playing. I just got my sign from God Himself

and I so needed that.

I love you, Eric and our love is eternal. I know that LOVE NEVER DIES and I know that you are with me. I sure do miss your big hands,

your warmth, your company, your trust, your humor, your hugs, your physical presence, really EVERYTHING about you including your

protectiveness and support of me. I hope you are flying so high and I am so thankful for every blessed moment.

I am committed to opening the connection to the Divine and seeing Heaven on Earth and realizing and remembering who we are!