Facing Death and A Song for Bobby

My grandmother always told me to never say goodbye and to instead say, “so long”, knowing that we will meet again.

As a child, I was very afraid of death and would oftentimes wake up in cold sweats worrying over it and panicking over what happened to

us when we die.

My friend Bobby and I were very close. We played together. We grew up together. We talked and talked and talked til we fell asleep

talking. We went to the beach. We went clubbing. We argued. We had adventures. Sometimes on Saturday morning, if he called and I

didn’t answer the phone because I was still sleeping, he climbed up the back of my house and scaled the wall to my bedroom

window, pulled out the window fan and serenaded me awake. At times he drove me crazy!

He gave me this little jingle one time. It said...

We talk about girls

We talk about guys

We talk about ‘us’

But we never ask ‘why’

We say I love you on the phone

Then we go to bed, each one alone

It never occurred to us to ‘get together’

I had always met everyone he dated and he always met everyone I dated -- except this one girl named ‘Gina’ and I never understood why

she was the one girl he didn’t let me meet. He told me that she lived in the basement of her house and it was all set up like an

apartment in a town called Chester, and that she played the baby grand piano, etc. One night my friend and I went out to a club with

him and his friend Gino and then we were all going over Gino’s house later to drink some brandy. We got there and were drinking shots

of brandy and my head was a little fuzzy. Gino started playing his piano and we were all singing and carrying on and just having a good

time. But the next morning, I was like ‘Oh my God’ - we were in Chester in this basement apartment and Gino was playing the baby

grand piano. Gino? Could this be the Gina I never met?

So, I asked him right away - “are you gay”, and he said no.

So instead of my usual ‘i love you’ when we hung up, I would say - ‘just remember two things - number one, i love you

and number two, if you are, it doesn’t matter (meaning if he was gay).

Sometimes I would shorten it further and just say - just remember 2 things and he would say ‘yeah .. yeah.’

One night he said, say them .. so I said ok, number one i love you, number two, if you are.... he said ‘I am.’

A year later, he died of AIDS. I was in my early 20’s and he was nearly a year older. I wrote this song called ‘Song for Bobby’ when he

passed. The reason it is the most sentimental to me besides the obvious reasons is because of how cathartic it was to write it. It was

like an old church hymn that kept playing over and over in my head til I put it in words.. I could feel him all the time.. everywhere.. and I

knew he wasn’t ‘gone’.

Song For Bobby

(written in memory of Bobby Donaghy 2-16-64 to 7-24-87)

Whenever there’s a shining sun

Forever towards it I will run

For in its beauty, I’ll think of you

And all the things we used to do

I miss you so and yet I know

That you’re not far wherever you are

And, if I listen close

I can almost hear

You gently whisper in my ear

That everything will be ok

I’m learning to live life day by day

And not a day will go by that I won’t think of you

And all the things we used to do

And the falling rain will erase the pain

And make us all believe again

That we are one forevermore

And death merely opens another door

And that someday we’ll reunite

I’ll never stop searching for the light

That leads us all towards the right way

I can’t look back on yesterday

Except to remember the happiness

I guess that’s something I’ll always miss

And sometimes still I feel the sorrow

And I don’t think I can face tomorrow

It’s the inner strength that keeps me going

I know it’s all a part of growing

So it’s the joy and laughter I’ll think of hereafter

And the better times I’ll keep in mind

And not a day will go by that I won’t think of you

And all the things that we’ve been through

I miss you so and yet I know

That you’re not far wherever you are

And, if I listen close

I can almost hear

You gently whisper in my ear

That everything will be ok

I promise to live life day by day

And the falling rain will erase the pain

And make us all believe again

That we are one forevermore

And death merely opens another door

And that someday we’ll reunite

I’ll never stop searching for the light

That leads us all towards the right way

I can’t look back on yesterday

Except to remember the happiness

I guess that’s something I’ll always miss

To stay in one place you eventually slip back

So you have to keep moving to stay on track

No matter how hard it seems

Hold onto your dreams

Because you just never know

When it’s your time to go